I am not a failure

Today has not gone as planned. At all. Thank you life, thanks a lot.

I had been planning a 15 mile run for over a week to happen this morning…it’s my day off, the weather was supposed to be nice and cool, so it was gonna happen, I was going to set a PDR (personal distance record).

My body, and the weather, and whatever else thought otherwise. Whether it was from running hard two days in a row at the beginning of the week, a leg day at the gym, or being on my feet a ton the past five days…I woke up incredibly sore. Still. Surprising? No, not really. Then I turned on the news to check the weather status for the morning and read in glaring red letters, “Woman raped on local walking trail.”

What. the. heck. I was not going to get raped today. Sorry long run, you’re not worth that.

Then I had this conversation with myself, to Aleeza:

In all honesty, I was beating myself up all morning for not completing a goal I had set for myself. I have no idea what this says about me as a person, but it was a process. I was forced to stop and think; what is my body telling me? What is common sense telling me?

This is what I need to learn to enjoy about not being on a training schedule…I have the freedom to whatever kind of workout I desire. Before throwing in the towel on a workout entirely, I set a new goal for the morning: run barefoot. So in lieu of my long run, I ran two miles in the rain, completely barefoot. And it felt amazing. Then there was lightning.

Don’t worry fifteen miles, we are meeting again next week. Bet.


Something else I have been dealing with? The fact that I am not currently at my lowest goal weight, but about 4lbs above my target ‘happy weight zone’. I have been working the past (nearly) two months to maintain what I accomplished via Stimulock and learning my body all over again has been a huge challenge. One thing that I’m not upset about is that I have been living my life and loving it. As I was grocery shopping today, I was thinking of how I wish I was ___lbs again, then I asked myself, “Am I taking care of my body?”

I looked down in my cart full of apples, pears, cabbage, broccoli, carrots and chicken. Nothing processed. Everything I could pronounce. Yes, body…I am taking care of you. Maybe those extra pounds are muscle (I can only hope) or whatever. Maybe my body is finding it’s own comfort zone? I don’t know. I’ll be over this tomorrow.

Now to the point of all this rambling? Today is today. Tomorrow will be tomorrow, no two days exactly the same. Listen to that little voice inside your head that tells you when to stop, go or wait. Live your life and love the people in it. We are not failures if we miss a workout or can’t fit into our skinniest skinny jeans. The gym will be there tomorrow and so will your jeans. Wait, why are you even wearing jeans?? It’s summer, silly people.